


Princ Dirk to the rescue! - by Roxy Lalonde

by Malwako, PickledShark



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, I am so sorry, drunkfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-22 07:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/910468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malwako/pseuds/Malwako, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PickledShark/pseuds/PickledShark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxy is drunk and bored so she writes an epic tale about Prince Dirk Strider.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Princ Dirk to the rescue! - by Roxy Lalonde

**Author's Note:**

> Me and Pickledshark wrote this over Skype both drunk as hell way past midnight. We're having so much fun doing this hope you'll enjoy as well :3  
> The ending is a major plot-twist.

Princess Roxy was sitting in her tower. “I am so sick and tired of the evil batterwithc keeping me here! I want to go out and explore the world!" she cried out. She sat down by the window and started brushing her beautiful blonde hair, thinking about a prince saving her. Little she knew that the prince was just thinking about her as well! Prince Strider was in his prince room where princes do their cool prince stuff (like rap-offs) watching TV. The “Missing sexy ladies" series wa sjust on. The TV woman showed a picture of beautiful stunning Roxy and prince Dirk immediatelly fell in love. “Here we see awesome and cool princess Roxy who was kidnapped by evil batterbitch. Who will save this fragile pretty girl with ass that won’t quit???"

"I will save the pretty pretty lady I want to make out with!" said imidiatelly and started to searching for his wooden horse. Wooden horse was kidnapped too!Plot-twist! How yer goin to save princess? With power of your heart and sicknasty beats. So prince Stridr began to mix his music and his horse heard the stunning power of his handsome mister. He run out of his chains and run towars him. Prince Dirk was the most overpowered hunk ever and great wizord 2!

Dirk was unfortunatelly an orphan raised by his brtoher only - and that brother never told him about stairs. Therefore Dirk knew no other way then to get out of the house by window. He jumped out exactly in the time to land on his awesome horse - by the way the horse was black but with golden tail, really cute one and it could TALK! - who started riding away with him into sunset where princess Roxy was(not in sunset but like… that way) (she wa s in the tower, remeber??)

So yeah he run into the sunset his hair was floating… i mean fluttering. I forgot to mention his t-shirt was made out of thing that doesnt like oxyxen so puff it drolled and disapeard and he was here without shirt on his wooden horse and damn he woud eat himself rite in the way. Damn Dirk u nasty chap. So he was ridin into sunset and he saw another princess trying to espace this monstronous monster with like zilion of heads and legs made of chainsaws and diamant knives which was firin atomic bombs from its back. But Dirk was too much awesome guy to go away even tru that princess was propably sum slut. He still loved just Roxy.

But he was a proper gentleman so he wont to the princess like: “Sup, need some help?" The princess, seeing the sexy Dirk was stunned and totes forgot about monster which was about to kill her for good. Dirk pulled out his sword he had somewhere hidden like the sword was actually instant sohe boiled water quickly on his hot hot abs and then boom - sword. The monster saw the sword and got realyl scared. I forgot to metnion the sword is also made of the deadliest weapons which is lego. The monster ran away in terror leavign the other princes and dirk there. She suddenly got really shy and looked at her feet because she obviously loved dirk on first sight of his nekkid biceps and triceps. “Princ dirk, thank you for saving me," she said and leaned in for Dirk to kiss her. Dirk didn’t want to because he loved Roxy so he did a backflip and butterfly kicked sme flowers ont he princes. It was a big bouquet with a letter saying: “I am sorry but I love Roxy, Janey, you’re going to marry Jake." when Jane lifted her head he was gon, riding on his wooden horse to find his beloved Roxy princes that had really nice hair

He was ridin his horse while he did a pankakes on way for roxy and cretaed few statues of roxy made of ice even in like 190 degrees cos he was so cool my tits can feel it even in tower. I mean roxy’s. Tits. So yeah he pretty much was quick enough to c the tower even before battrewithch woke up from her nap after doing horrible things she does like destroyng wordls and and kicking puppies and watching rom cons. Oh my gooooooooOOOOD Roxy saw him wrim her window with her great telespope she hacked cos of her nasty hacking powers and she saw him here!!!111!!1 She needs to change her dress before he gets here!!!1

So Roxxy opened her big chest where all her pretty dresses were - like that onde dress Andy had on the part in Devil wears Prada or the one Hermione wore in Goblet of fire pretty much all the pretty dresses in the world. And she tries them all on and everythign suited her so good but she had to figure it ut before Dirk comes here! So in the end she wore really long purple dress with balkc lace everywhere and skirt frilly. Also she made her hair look the awesomest ever because batterwitch was awful but rich and let the princess use her fancy luxury shampoos and things. So when Dirk finally got to the tower roxy was there all ready and beautiful and Dirk knocked ont he door and that woke up the evil batterwitch. Roxy would have told him to sneak in and not wake her up but that would mean no fighting scenes. Battwreicth chame out of her room and was all awful and fat and sleepy with greasy hair and dirk didn’t like her at all like he loved roxy so no woman was pretty enough for him, but this one was down right bleh. Batter was all like" “dafug" and Dirk used her suprise moment to suprise her from the back. He jumped so high she couldn’T even see him so she was liek looking for hm under the sofa when he finally fell down and landed on her back with his big but sexy yaoi hands shaped like spear drilling her back. She yelled like a little bitch and cried btu dirk fighted some more all sweaty but smelling sexy liek a man.

tell ya these battlescenes was full of screain and very exciting scenes I cant even write them down correctly. Roxy was blushing all the tiem looking at dirk and seductively holding her dress like wow he is here infort of her like wow. and the n battlewitch was dead, fat bitch. Roxy was freee and she can do whatewr she can and also take all the pretty dress with her!! But Dirk - oh my gaawd - he pulled down his pointy sunglusses and his eyes was fire. His tight crotch was also fire. And then sempai notices me he came towrd me very very slowly. His hair was floathin even when we vere insid cos of his sexy magik and he said “roxy i didnt know u have such a sexy butler" and he pointed his slender tender finger on JAKE IN THE CORNER STFU I cANT MAKE US CANON EVEN IN MY FUCKING fiction this so not FAIR.


End file.
